Folks, any happiness my marriage radiates is only by the grace of my long-suffering wife, who continues to find my shortcomings funny instead of annoying. I've supplied her with many embarrassing, must-be-shared anecdotes over the years, as several of you well know.
It brings Thackeray's words to mind: "'Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel." I think women treat men so generously because, deep down, most women are angels in disguise themselves, lucky for us men.
Bob, here's my first marital tip: if you haven't already, accept that you're always going to be the less shiny lesser half of the marital duo. Some men go in knowing that. Me? -- I needed time. As George Shaw said, "All great truths begin as blasphemies."
Not all wedding speech examples are created equal! A wedding speech is certainly more than a collection of dry cliches flung together. On the contrary, it should captivate audiences and hopefully... get them laughing! The one below has been written with the audience in mind and uses a lot of humor to get its ideas across. Be sure to survey the notes at the bottom for a summary of the speech itself.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm David Jones, a longtime friend of Bob and Nan's.
When I was first asked to make this wedding speech, I was naturally flattered and only too happy to do it. Unfortunately, I then found out I was supposed to share my advice for a happy marriage by virtue of supposed expertise.
Anyway, after I realized I was being asked to talk on a subject over my head, I thought, "Advice? Who am I to give advice? Has everyone forgotten I thought I could get a model volcano to erupt using the microwave? The same guy who got his arm stuck in a claw machine?" If the firemen who freed my arm were here, they'd tell you. They'd say, "This guy? Well, he got his arm stuck in a claw machine."
Besides, who wants advice? You can't spell advice without vice, after all. Being the arm-stuck-in-the-claw-machine guy already, I'm not eager to take on the additional mantle of "guy who won't refrain from giving out unsolicited advice."
Only in this case, the advice was solicited -- and solicited by the bride herself. No one can refuse a bride and, in this case especially, you can't refuse a bride so beautiful, both on the inside and out. I'd just have to power through it, I thought.
So here goes: First, it sounds obvious, but never try to use the microwave on a model volcano. Just don't do it.
Second, when it's your turn to make dinner, don't be ambitious. Choose a simple recipe and have plenty of paper towels on hand, at least a roll. Give yourself extra time in case you have to start over. If you decide on stuffed peppers, know that there is never a step where you slice them. If you make that mistake, you're wife will figure out for sure then that you're a bit of a buffoon.
Also, whatever you do, don't get creative. Just stick to the recipe. You want your wife to relax and to trust you, not look forward toward the fiftieth anniversary and think, "Life sentence...."
Third, if all else fails, use the phone. Delivery was invented for men.
Actually, experience has taught me that the phone should sometimes be your first choice. Especially start with the phone for all things plumbing and hornet related. Oh, and for tree removal. It's trickier than you'd think, predicting where a tree will land.
Fourth, no matter how many tears a little girl cries if the claw machine doesn't dispense her toy, do not try to retrieve it for her.
Last, just love each other. No matter what. Here's to Bob and Nan. May laughter, which makes love sweeter, always grace their lives, even if some of it is at Bob's expense.
Wedding Speech Examples: Notes
Humor is nearly always appropriate at weddings (or any kind of public speaking for that matter), and can be incorporated into most wedding speeches.
Funny speeches should never embarrass anyone, bring up bad memories, previous relationships, or be off color. Any gentle fun should be poked only at men and never at women, especially the bride. Anyone connected to someone mentioned in a speech should feel pleased by and/or proud of what is said.
This all seems like common sense, but it's still worth noting.
If you're looking for more tips and advice on writing Funny Wedding Speeches, as well as links to more wedding speech examples, then I highly recommend you sign up for my Getting Them Laughing mini E-course. It'll allow me to send you short and informative e-mails to help you as you prepare for your speech.